Twelve o'clock high
by jamieschmidt
Summary: When Kendall and Carlos join the army, Logan and James are left struggling. Will their boyfriends being overseas ruin their relationships? Jarlos and Kogan angst. Rated T for violence/sexual references. Will return next Wednesday.
1. I'm losing my head, losing my mind

**Hey guys this is a new story I'm trying out. Please let me know if you like it! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

"I don't know if I can do this much longer." Kendall whispered into the phone he clutched.

"Kendall, you need to stay strong. I know it's hard out there but you made this decision. You have to stick to it." Logan replied. In reality, he was yearning for his boyfriend to come home, but if Kendall knew that he would leave the army as quick as he could.

"I know, but I… I _miss_ you." Kendall choked out. Logan's eyes filled with tears at the despair in his voice. "Every morning I wake up and you're not here. Every night I lay in bed, wishing I had someone to tell me everything will be okay." He took a deep breath. Logan squeezed his eyes shut, tears slipping out. "But it won't be okay. Every day, our troops are dying. Every day I'm getting closer and closer to death-"

"Stop it, Kendall." Logan interrupted. He couldn't stand how desperate Kendall sounded. "You need to think positive. I will not let you get hurt because you're too pre-occupied worrying. You need to clear your mind and focus."

He heard Kendall take a shaky breath.

"Plus, Carlos will be joining you tomorrow." He reminded the desolate boy.

"I think that's the only thing keeping me going." Kendall admitted.

"Keep your head up. Two more months, two _short_ months, and you'll be home, wrapped in my arms."

''I love you so much Logan."

"I love you Kendall. Be safe." He heard a click and dropped the phone, curling in on himself. He wound his arms around his legs to keep himself from falling apart.

His broken sobs rocked his small frame. He wanted to pull himself together, but he couldn't even try.

What had gone wrong? Last year, everything was perfect. Big Time Rush was touring, everyone was happy. But then tragedy struck.

James' mom had been on her death bed, and she finally passed. James was devastated, and took a break for two weeks. But when he returned, he just wasn't as into it as before. James had been real close to his mom, she was the whole reason he started singing, years ago in boys choir. Right before she died, they had an argument, something stupid. James never forgave himself.

Then, Kendall's father got diagnosed with cancer. He took the news hard, even though his father had never been supportive of his career decision. He told him he wanted a son he could be proud of. That's why Kendall had joined the ranks. He wanted to prove to his father that he wasn't made up of songs and dance moves.

Carlos joined for the same reason. Although his father wasn't as harsh as Kendall's, the tough man basically threatened his son until he felt pressured enough to do it. Ever since his parents split, his dad was getting crazier. But if this made his father happy, then why not?

Now, Carlos is being relocated to Kendall's camp and James is moving in with Logan.

Two more months, Logan reminded himself bitterly, then everything will be back to normal.

He fell asleep like that, in the fetal position, tears streaming down his cheeks and onto the bed.

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><p>"Kendall!"<p>

Green eyes searched for the source of his name. It was hard to tell the camo- clad army boys apart, but he focused on a head bobbing right toward him.

Recognizing Carlos, he ran forward to meet him. They slammed into each other, not a rare sight among the barracks. Out in isolation, any familiar face is a tremendous occasion.

"Kendall, it's so good to see you!" the Latino shouted, his ears covered by a thick helmet.

"I'm so glad you're here, Carlos." Kendall replied, tearing up.

Carlos backed away from the embrace, smiling up at him.

"Let's go get something to eat." He said.

They grabbed their rations and sat down in the cafeteria.

"How's James?" Kendall asked.

"He's doing better." Carlos replied. "And Logan?"

"He's…not taking it so well." Before Carlos could respond, Kendall continued. "You know, it's crazy that we're even here. Who cares about making our dad's proud? This was the worst decision I've ever made."

"Kendall-" Carlos said sympathetically.

"Come here." Kendall said, grabbing Carlos' arm and leading him to his bunk. There, de ducked under the bed and yanked out a cloth bag. He held it up silently.

Carlos stared. "I don't know what that is." He finally said.

Kendall sighed and pulled the bag open, dumping the contents on his sheet. Envelopes fluttered out, landing in disarray. Carlos picked one up, they were all opened. On the front was Kendall's name and the current service they were in, with a return address and name in the upper corner. He slipped out the letter, reading it quickly.

"Fan mail?"

"They care about us, Carlos. You know how many people would be destroyed if something happened to us?"

Carlos narrowed his eyes. "Kendall, you had time to think about that before-"

Kendall shook his head. "I didn't know it would be like this."

Carlos sighed. "But I did think about it. I knew the risks. I decided it was worth it. I don't care about pride."

Kendall laughed. "You think I care about pride?"

Carlos was about to reply but paused, feeling the tension in the air.

He spoke softly. "Do you see what this is doing to us?"

Kendall let out his breath, closing his eyes. "I know."

"Let's just take a breather." Carlos added, backing away. Kendall nodded and turned to the mess on his bed while Carlos returned to their abandoned food.

He didn't know Kendall was this bad. At his breaking point, he was worried Kendall would do something he would regret.

**So kinda short, but don't worry it'll be longer as I get into it. Please review! (:**


	2. In the middle of a perfect day

**Real short chapter for now. I could only update Logan/James since I didn't have my flashdrive. But don't worry, tomorrow I'll add Carlos/Kendall!**

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><p>James lay awake staring at the late night news reporters blankly. Ever since Carlos and Kendall joined the army, he couldn't sleep at night. He didn't know why he watched the news; he wasn't looking for a headline, pronouncing his friends dead. Instead, he kept himself aware of all things going on. He hated being caught by surprise.<p>

Eventually, he fell asleep on the couch, just like every night. He hasn't slept in the bedroom since Carlos left. He couldn't stand waking up in a cold empty bed.

He woke up early, around seven, and started packing. For the next two months, he would be living with Logan, keeping each other company while their boyfriends were overseas.

He packed his small apartment quickly, taking only the things that were his, and left the rent money for the next eight weeks in the mailbox.

He arrived at Logan's apartment at around eight. Carrying in his stuff, he left it in the living room and went to find Logan.

James walked in on him laying on his bed, fully clothed. James gently rocked the younger boy.

"Logan," he murmured.

With a start, Logan jumped up. James hopped back in surprise.

"Oh," Logan sighed. "James."

"Sorry buddy. I thought you heard me come in."

Logan shook his head, yawning, "Your stuff here?" he asked.

James nodded.

"You could have let me help you."

"I know." James replied. "Let's go get breakfast."

James wanted to get out of the room, the giant banner on the wall with all their happy faces made him feel sick.

Logan glanced at the banner, then back to James. He stood on the bed and tore it down, rolling it up and tossing it in the corner.

"Better?" he asked, a slight mock in his voice.

James didn't respond, stalking out of the room instead. Logan sighed. He knew what James was going though, but he was definitely taking it harder. It only made it worse to tease him.

He didn't bother getting changed. Who was there to impress?

James was sitting on the couch. He looked at Logan enter the living room.

"You're not gonna shower?"

Logan just shrugged. James nodded. He knew exactly how he felt.

They didn't go far, just to a small café down the street.

Logan led them to a little table in the back, away from the loud chatter and happy faces. After ordering coffee and a light meal, James spoke up.

"I was on the phone with Carlos before," he started. Logan sighed. He was hoping to avoid discussing this particular topic, but he knew it was inevitable. James continued after a short silence. "He was talking about…acting normal. He basically said we shouldn't distance ourselves from the rest of society." He looked around, to make a point.

Logan snorted, James raising his eyebrows in response.

"I think he has a point." James continued. "I mean, look at us." He gestured to their clothes and unkempt hair. Logan sat unmoving.

James sighed. "Listen Logan. I don't like this any more than you do. But tucking yourself away, hiding from everyone, is not the answer." He paused, and his tone was softer. "I know it's hard. It's the hardest thing we've ever faced. Of course we're going to struggle. But we have to stay strong."

Logan nodded, a tear slipping silently down his cheek.

James stood, circling around the table to Logan's side. He hugged the smaller boy, whispering reassurances.

"Can you…" Logan's voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Can you sleep with me tonight?" James stiffened in surprise. "Not in…a weird way. I'm just tired of sleeping alone."

James returned to his seat, thinking. Would it be okay to sleep with Logan? What is Kendall found out? Not that they would do anything. What about Carlos?

He looked at Logan's desperate expression. "No problem." James heard himself say.

Logan smiled and James had to grin back. It's been so long since he's seen Logan happy, he couldn't help himself. Just then, the food came. Logan's stomach growled. He had forgotten the last time he ate. James took a good look at Logan as he scarfed down his food. His pale face gained a little color from their walk over. Bags under his eyes declared his lack of sleep. His usually spiky hair lay flat, greasy against his forehead.

Logan glanced up. "Wha?" he asked, his mouth full of eggs. James shook his head, deciding he should do something to help out Logan.

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><p><strong>Lame lame lame, but oh well. Please review, I love reading them! (: Look out for an update tomorrow.<strong>


	3. In the middle of a perfect day part 2

**So here's Carlos/Kendall. Again, it's real short because I figured I'd be uploading it with James/Logan. But please review anyway!**

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><p>After their confrontation, Carlos didn't see Kendall again. He was slightly angry Kendall had ruined their chance to catch up with each other, but at the same time he felt bad for the younger boy. Kendall doesn't handle stress well and with almost no way to vent (except at 12, when they have access to the phones for half an hour), he must be drained out. But, as an actor, he hides his misery well; putting up a fake front only Carlos could see through.<p>

Carlos sighed, rolling onto his stomach to get comfortable. It had been a long day of training, getting the "new" boys used to the territory. With sore muscles and a throbbing headache, he had expected to fall asleep quickly. But, as he lay awake, listening to the unconscious snores around him, he started thinking about James. What was he doing right now? Carlos wondered. Considering the time difference, he was probably still in bed, sleeping. Or maybe he was just laying there, thinking about Carlos.

He grew hard thinking about James. It's been so long since he's had any sort of stimulation, as he refused to touch himself. Groaning, he turned onto his back, trying to relieve some pressure.

In order to distract himself, he thought about the tough day tomorrow. They were ordered to storm a small town nearby who were housing opposing soldiers. That was the part Carlos hated the most about the whole situation. Marching into a village, using explosives and weapons, while innocent citizens are caught in the middle of it. He took training just like everyone else, it wasn't a challenge. Perhaps the hardest part was being away from loved ones. Carlos missed Sydney, Fox, the puppies they had together, Logan, and his brothers. But being away from James gave him a heartache he'd never felt before.  
>Suddenly, Carlos heard the bunker door creak open, followed by footsteps. He shrank down, afraid of being caught awake. Listening to the steps, he realized they were approaching his bunk. Maybe it was instinct or some sixth sense, but Carlos could almost feel that the sound would stop, right beside him.<p>

Which it did.

He breathed evenly, not wanting to give himself away. He's heard stories of late night army rapes, being forced into submission against their will. But Carlos was strong, he could fight off an attacker. Right?

Hands grabbed him from the dark, a small squeal emitting in protest. A hand covered his mouth, shushing him.

"Carlos-"

As soon as he heard his name he instantly relaxed. After years of listening to that reprimanding tone, he knew to trust it.

Pulling away, Carlos squinted up at Kendall.

"What the hell are you doing?" He breathed.

Kendall glanced around, making sure they hadn't woken anyone up, then leaned down to Carlos' ear.

"Come on. I just want to talk." He whispered. Rather than face an argument, Carlos got up, following his bandmate though the long room of sleeping soldiers.

As they emerged outside, Kendall withdrew two cigarettes, handing one to Carlos. It was a filthy habit, but one every soldier eventually took up. They lit up, leaning against the wall.

"Okay, you're probably wondering why I'm here-"

"Probably." Carlos scoffed.

"And I'll tell you why." He took a deep breath. "I've been thinking. You know about convalescence leave?"

Carlos frowned, confused. "Yeah.."

"I know it sounds crazy, but what if we got hurt- nothing serious. But had to leave? Go home?"

"What on earth are you talking about?" Carlos asked, bewildered.

Kendall hugged him and spoke softly. "What if we got an injury that required us to leave the service? Something small, like a broken leg. We could go back to Logan and James-"

Carlos grabbed the taller boys shoulders. "Kendall you will not hurt yourself. I don't care how desperate you are, you will stay. Fight. Earn your way back home, don't cheat for it." He backed off. "Did you even think about what would happen? You would have to come back anyway. For even longer maybe. And what if that leg got beyond broken, if you screwed up? If we were to ever make a comeback, you wouldn't be able to dance!"

Kendall sighed. "You don't understand. I can't do this anymore. Everything is stressing me out, I'm a wreck."

"Kendall Schmidt is not a quitter. Neither is my best friend. I don't care what it takes. We're staying and we will make it, together."

It was silent for a moment. They boys could hear a watch guard coming.

"You're right." Kendall admitted, pulling Carlos in for a hug. "I'm sorry for being so difficult."

Carlos chuckled. "It's okay." He patted Kendall's back. "Go get some sleep."

Kendall nodded and walked back to his sleeping quarters. Carlos sighed. Stomping out his cigarette, he went back to bed.


	4. Someday it'll come together

**I think I'm going to keep the two storylines in different chapters for the rest of the story. Thanks to the amazing people who reviewed the past few chapters, I love reviews so much. I hope you enjoy this chapter! (:**

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><p>After a filling and emotional breakfast, the two men walked the short distance home in silence. As they entered the building, James convinced Logan to take a shower, while he unpacked.<p>

"You're putting your stuff in my room right?" Logan asked, pulling his shoes off and tossing them next to the couch.

James paused as he was about to pick up the TV remote. "What's wrong with the guest room?"

Logan grinned mysteriously. "You'll see." He disappeared into the bathroom, humming the chorus of "Show Me".

Curious, James waited until he heard the water running and the spray of the shower head. He quietly crept across the living area to the guest room. He cracked the door open, glancing inside. A bed stood in the middle of the room, a blanket neatly tucked beneath the pillows. A wooden dresser and matching desk were on the left wall. Huge curtains hung over the large windows taking up the far wall. James shook his head. There was nothing at all wrong with the room.

He shrugged it off and closed the door, returning to the living room. Dragging his duffel bag into the bedroom, James looked around, sighing. At least there wasn't any "Big Time Rush" mementos that would bring back painful memories. He walked over to the closet, opening it cautiously. He peeked inside and grimaced. Kendall's clothes hung, untouched. James didn't want to disturb his things. Where did Logan keep his clothes? He tried the dresser, opening the top drawer, and was met with boxers and briefs. Unfortunately, after many years of sharing a cramped tour bus and dressing rooms, James recognized Kendall's favorite brands. The remaining drawers were so stuffed he had trouble closing them.

James spun around, searching. His eyes landed on the small bedside table. James wasn't expected to use this, was he?

He yanked on the drawer and recoiled in horror. Condoms, lube, and "toys" nestled inside. James slammed it shut, disgusted. Sure, he and Carlos used the same stuff, but they weren't so open about it. And thinking about Logan and Kendall's sex life was something James did not want to do.

Hearing the squeak of the shower being turned off, James moved away from the naughty drawer. As the bathroom door opened, he kneeled down, pretending to be digging through his bag.

Logan strolled in, wearing a towel around his waist.

"Oh, I'll let you dress." James mumbled, walking to the living room. Logan being that comfortable around him only half concerned James. He was probably used to walking around half naked anyways. After a few minutes, Logan came into the room, wearing a fresh set of clothes. His hair was tousled up, presumably from the towel. He looked much better.

"Everything unpacked?" He asked, wandering to the table and picking up the mail James had brought in that morning.

"Ah, no." James admitted. Logan looked at him, confused.

"I didn't know where to put my clothes." James said.

"Oh, there's drawers built into the side of the bed. I cleared them out for you." He replied, opening an envelope and dropping the rest back onto the table.

James glanced at the clock and sighed. It was only a quarter to ten.

"Might as well do it now." James said, rising.

"Wait, are they going to be able to call today?" Logan asked, looking up from his letter.

"Why wouldn't they be?" James retaliated.

"Well, they're doing that thing…they'll be out." Logan replied.

"What do you mean?" James asked. He was tired of not getting things directly.

"I don't know, they're doing some storming thing. I don't remember what Kendall said. Didn't Carlos tell you?" Logan asked.

"Carlos was training yesterday, I didn't talk to him." James replied morosely.

"Even at midnight?"

James nodded, going into the bedroom. He hated knowing that Carlos would be fighting today. He wanted to be with him, protecting the innocent looking boy from every danger. He took a deep breath, focusing. Carlos could protect himself, James knew that.

He went over to the bed, flipping up the blanket, revealing the hidden drawers. Crouching down, he slid his bag over and started filling them up.

"Hey, listen to what Kendall wrote," Logan said, walking in. "Carlos arrived yesterday. _Man, was he happy to see me_." Logan paused wagging his eyebrows at James, who threw a shirt at him. He chuckled and continued. "As soon as I saw him, I realized how much I missed us all. Carlos and I had talked about getting the band back together, after all this is over."

"Really?" James mused.

"I don't know, I think we should try. Kendall's been saying how he's still getting fan mail. It inspires him to write more songs." Logan replied.

James sat back, remembering the "fabulous" life of being famous. He missed all the fans. They really were amazing and dedicated. They would kill for a comeback. His past felt like a whole other life. Would he want to go through it all over again?

Of course he would.

"I think we should try, too." James announced, smiling. Logan grinned back and wandered into the living room, reading the rest of his letter.

"Hey, after twelve, I'm gonna go pick up Fox and Sydney from DBelt." James called after him.

"And Bernard!" Logan added, reappearing. James chuckled. He still couldn't believe Logan had actually named his puppy that.

"Yes, and Bernard." James replied.

"Oh, and there's going to be another surprise." Logan said.

James raised an eyebrow. "A surprise?"

Logan just winked and walked out, leaving James to put his clothes away and wonder about the mysterious surprise.

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><p><strong>So there it is! I hope you all like it (: The next chapter is going to be really intense and long. Hope you're up for it! Again, reviews make me so happy! So please review and let me know what you thought :D<br>**


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